The Fear of Infinity

One Saturday night, my friends invited me to play a horror game on Roblox called "Apeirophobia." The game is based on The Backrooms, an urban legend and creepypasta that describes a system of endless yellow hallways, randomly generated offices, and other types of environments. There is barely anything but the sound of lightbulbs buzzing, the sound of your footsteps thumping on the floor, and the different types of grotesque and eerie entities wanting to kill you. Although the game Apeirophobia is based on different interpretations of The Backrooms, its definition ties all of the interpretations into a singular concept. Let us explore Apeirophobia: the fear of infinity.

A parking lot variation or "level" of The Backrooms

Original concept

One of the many entities in The Backrooms

Apeirophobia is the phobia of infinity or eternity. Like all phobias, apeirophobia can cause discomfort, stress, and panic attacks in some people. Currently, it is unclear how it develops in a person but signs of apeirophobia have usually taken form during adolescence. By infinity, I do not mean the mathematical figure 8 symbol, but rather sensitive topics that induce infinity. For example, a person who gets kidnapped and gets abandoned in a massive rainforest may trigger their apeirophobia. This is because they are not familiar with their surroundings, they are worried about any dangerous species, and they feel stuck in this "infinity" of an expansive forest with no clear exits or signs on how to go home.

One of the most prominent causes of apeirophobia is by dreading what happens to one once they die. "Will I burn in hell and be tortured forever?” “Will my soul live through infinite reincarnations, each with its own pains, sufferings, and trauma?” “If there is no soul, no heaven, and no hell, will my existence be forever shattered?” These types of intrusive thoughts typically comprise a person suffering with apeirophobia. The concept of eternity and infinity is just frightening. What if we are all living in a simulation under the hands of one person? What if there are millions of simulations like there are games of Roblox in our universe? Do the actions we do, the things we love to do, and the history of humanity matter? What is the point of living?

I think that many of us are afraid of the concept of infinity and eternity because it’s all unknown. It’s hypothetical. It may be real or it may be not. Because of the aforementioned intrusive thoughts of life after death, the questions regarding simulation, and the point of living, apeirophobia steers us away from these thoughts to maintain our sanity. And to maintain this sanity, we are thus conversely afraid of death. Thanatophobia: the fear of death. That’s what we are REALLY afraid of.

Wait a second. Let’s consider a few things. First, apeirophobia is caused by thanatophobia: the fear of death. Second, someone can die through an infinite number of possibilities, such as someone shooting a bullet in the air and you so happen to be the most unlucky person in the world. Third, each of these possibilities can be given its own phobia given that that at least one person is genuinely scared of it. Do you see the connection? All the phobias are infinitely tied together by apeirophobia. Apeirophobia is a scary concept that has so many different applications yet has no clear answer to any of them. How has your reading of apeirophobia impacted your view on infinity?