4/11/2023 Freewrite

 Today was a really busy day. I started the morning off with < 5 hours of sleep in me, reluctant to come to school yet still looking forward to our UIL performance in the afternoon. I missed all of my classes, but I was required to help around with UIL stuff since Elkins was hosting string varsity UIL. I guided the different high schools that came in and set up chairs and music stands in the warm up room. After a fulfilling pizza lunch, it was our turn to perform. We performed 3 pieces: the majestic piece 'Of Glorious Plumage', the sorrowful 'Sentimental Saraband', and the swashbuckling finale 'America's Cup'. We got sweepstakes! (We did really good) And I also think we were one of the 3 or 4 high schools that got sweepstakes. A total of 8 high schools participated, too. Afterwards, however, I still had an afternoon shift to volunteer for, so I ended up staying at school until 6. At least I get service hours.

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My mood throughout today wasn't the best I was hoping for it to be. Some of my friends in a group chat ridiculed me by bringing up a past occurrence in the form of a reference. I also hinted at the original perpetrator by telling him not to send cringe emoji pictures as a response to a birthday invitation, to which his hypocritcal response was "Facts". I'm being really vague with this because I don't want it to let it get to me. I'm still kind of hurt about it, but I guess it's a joke. There were also other "icks" I noticed in the group chat, and sometimes I question the maturity of some of the people in that group chat and whether they realize that there's a point where a joke no longer becomes a joke. 

There was this one time I cried at the Riverstone Club House when my friends were playing volleyball. Today, my friends were playing volleyball at the same place and I couldn't join them because I was unfortunately occupied with UIL. When William asked, "Jan why didn't you come [to volleyball]", Shaun replied with "Bro cried again" and quickly edited the message to a.. rather interesting innuendo referencing my sexuality, ridiculing the time I previously cried and just being a dick about it. And then I just see a friend of mine looking happy to be hanging out with another person on Snapchat, when it didn't feel that way when he hung out with me a couple days ago. I don't know.. maybe I was just feeling tired due to a lack of sleep. But then again, I always average less than 6 hours of sleep per school day. I'm trying not to appear "sensitive", but it's difficult considering that my feelings are invalidated often by some of my friends I hold dear. Some of the things that happened today in that group chat reminded me of things I don't wanna remember, like how I recently found out that Shaun told the person I confessed my feelings for that I was going to confess to them prior to it happening. Yikes.

 Hosting UIL, performing, and today in general could have been a lot better. Mentally.

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On the bright sideeeee I ordered some clothes and they're supposed to come either tomorrow or on Thursday. One of the pieces is a beige oversized jacket, the other one are black cargo pants, and the last one are jeans. I'm kind of broke but I'm looking forward to elevating my style. I also luckily don't have any homework besides this therapeutical blog post. Lastly, I had a pretty memorable weekend. On Thursday (Yes it's a school day but I'm counting it because I missed 2nd-7th period), I went to Commonwealth Elementary for a Junior Achievement field trip. With a partner, we were tasked to educate 2nd graders on communities, jobs within communities, and other business stuff. On Saturday, I hung out with Danny! We worked out at Fitness Connection and went to First Colony Mall to have a protein post-workout meal and to find some birthday gifts for Emma. Our last stop was soft serve ice cream shop Somi Somi before he dropped me off at home. On Sunday, I hung out with Alex which was.. interesting (reference the 3rd paragraph.......). We were also planning to go shopping at the mall but, when we arrived, it was closed for Easter. Oops. After our.. kind of short hangout,,, I spent time with Diya and Bharati. We met up to work on an engineering project, but also grabbed some McDonalds and made a cringey TikTok in a Kroger. Finally, yesterday, I had a 3-hour rehearsal with my orchestra and then grabbed some Jollibee with Krish, Leona, and Elliott. A few hours later, I played Badminton with Emma, Mridul, and Elijah and grabbed some boba with them. I spent the remaining hours of the 4 day weekend (the last 'break' before graduation) just chilling and playing games.